


The Moment I Saw You

by j__writes



Series: The Way It Should Be Series [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Falling In Love, First Kisses, First Meetings, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 21:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14363934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j__writes/pseuds/j__writes
Summary: Raj blew hot air into his cupped palms and rubbed his hands together while he went over the pros and cons and possible outcomes from having a drink with a stranger - although he was a beautiful stranger - and it was cold and he was intrigued. “I don’t even know your name.”The man chuckled and began to cross the street, only half-checking for traffic. He looked over his shoulder. “You coming?”Raj groaned and found himself following after the beautiful stranger, pros and cons be damned. “A name?”The man hopped up onto the sidewalk in front of the pub and pulled on the door, propping it open with his foot as Raj caught up to him. Raj stopped at the threshold and waited.“It’s Victor.” The man smiled again and tipped his head to the pub. “You coming in?”________________________________________________________________________________________________________Or glimpses into the life and story behind Victor and Raj's relationship from my Malec fic: "The Way It Should Be"





	The Moment I Saw You

**Author's Note:**

> For Lion <3

Raj stopped in front of an abstract painting hanging from the wrought-iron fence along the sidewalk. The black vine-like lines twisted and turned across the canvas, covering almost every inch of it. 

It made him feel lonely and sad. It was beautiful. 

A cold breeze whisked past and he pulled his coat tighter around him, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“What do you think of this shit?”

Raj turned toward the accented voice to his right and frowned at the man he found standing there, judging the painting with harsh eyes. “I think it’s not shit,” Raj cut out.

The man’s brows jumped, a devious smirk turning up his cheeks and replacing the stern features he’d just had. He looked back at the painting. “Really now? What about it makes it ‘not shit’?”

“What about it makes it shit?” Raj countered. 

The man laughed, sending a cloud of hot air into the cold afternoon and shrugged. “Maybe it’s hard to tell what it is?”

Raj frowned even more and then removed one of his hands from his pockets to point at the center of the painting. “There.”

“Where?” The man asked, leaning in closer to the painting.

Raj sighed and grabbed the man by the shoulders, pulling him back away from the painting. “You can’t stand so close if you want to see the whole picture.” He pointed over the man’s shoulder. He smelled fresh like clean linens. “Look there.”

“And what am I looking at?” The man asked.

“The man in the darkness.” Raj gestured at the huddled form of a man. “Can’t you see him?”

The man nodded, regarding the image for a moment before speaking over his shoulder at Raj. “How do you think he feels?”

Raj stepped up to the painting again, forcing himself to keep his hands away from the textured surface. Up close it was easier to see how constricting the black vines were, easier to feel the man’s suffering, see the details that showed the weight on the man’s shoulders. “Like he’s suffocating.”

Raj heard the man hum pensively behind him and then shiver. “You want to grab a drink?”

“What?” Raj turned to face him, his eyebrows pulled down in confusion, unsure if he heard the man’s offer correctly.

The man tugged down on the dark blue beanie that covered his black curling hair and then pulled in his green, fur lined hooded coat in closer at his chest. He shivered again despite the many layers he wore. “A beer.” He tipped his head at the building across the street. “Do you want to get out of the cold and get one?”

Raj tugged on his scarf and looked at the pub across the street. He wasn’t used to this, being invited out for a drink by a total stranger he’d only exchanged a handful of sentences with. 

“It’s noon,” he found himself saying not realizing until the man curved a brow at him that it was a poor excuse.

“On a Saturday,” the man said with a shrug and an amused scoff. 

Raj blew hot air into his cupped palms and rubbed his hands together while he went over the pros and cons and possible outcomes from having a drink with a stranger - although he was a beautiful stranger - and it was cold and he was intrigued. “I don’t even know your name.”

The man chuckled and began to cross the street, only half-checking for traffic. He looked over his shoulder. “You coming?”

Raj groaned and found himself following after the beautiful stranger, pros and cons be damned. “A name?”

The man hopped up onto the sidewalk in front of the pub and pulled on the door, propping it open with his foot as Raj caught up to him. Raj stopped at the threshold and waited. 

“It’s Victor.” The man smiled again and tipped his head to the pub. “You coming in?”

Raj rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Yeah, fine.”

The pub was warm and quiet and relatively empty due to it only being noon on a Saturday. Raj had settled into a booth along the window, the art they had just left on perfect display for them from their seats. Victor came back to the table, holding a pint in each hand, a wide smile on his face. 

“So, Victor, what brings you to this art walk on a cold Saturday? You an artist or a collector?”

Victor set down his beer and licked away the foam that stuck to his mustache. “Both.”

Raj removed his scarf and laid it on the bench beside him. “You see anything you like today?”

“Wasn’t shopping today,” Victor answered with a shrug.

“No? Just passing by?” 

“No. Selling.” Victor held his finger up to stop Raj’s next question. “You’re asking a lot of questions and I still don’t have a name.”

“Oh.” Raj laughed. “Sorry. I’m Raj.” 

Victor held up his glass. “Pleasure to meet you, Raj.”

“A pleasure, Victor.” Raj sipped at his beer and forced it down, willing his face not to show his distaste.

Victor watched him carefully and Raj was sure he wasn’t able to hide it well enough, but Victor didn’t say anything, just kept on with his own beer with an ever present, knowing smirk. 

“You were saying…” Raj trailed off, hoping Victor would pick back up on where they left off. Before when they were discussing the painting, Raj almost would have thought that Victor was some uneducated art snob who thought he knew what good art was, when in fact, he was an artist himself.

“Ah yes. I’m here on this lovely, freezing cold Saturday to sell my art.” Victor removed his beanie and ran his fingers through the dark curls.

“Where was your booth? I made my way through most of the park, I wonder if I saw any of your work?”

“Oh, you did.”

“I did?”

Victor pointed through the window at the painting they had just left behind. From this distance the black vines that trailed across the canvas were hard to see but the shape of the man was even more distinguishable than it had been up close.

Raj’s jaw dropped and Victor laughed at him, shrugging off his heavy coat, only leaving the black headphones hooked around his neck. 

Raj shook his head in disbelief. “You were trying to trick me into saying something bad about your art out there.”

Victor grinned over the rim of his glass as he took another swallow of his beer. “It didn’t work.”

Raj scoffed. “Good thing your art is good or that could have been bad.”

Victor’s grin grew. “You have a good eye.”

Raj nodded. “It’s my passion. I work at a gallery and finding artists and choosing pieces to display is something I love to do and will hopefully lead to me opening my own gallery one day.”

“Will you display my art?” 

Raj looked out the window again at the canvas that had drawn his attention and then at the others lined up beside it. The paintings were beautiful, and so very different from all of the other art Raj had seen that morning. It was why he had stopped for so long and had apparently been pointed out by the artist himself, and tested on his ability to interpret the art. 

He tipped his head approvingly. “I would.”

Victor scratched at his beard as he smiled. “Then I’m going to need you to open that gallery up as soon as possible. I can’t be a starving artist for much longer.”

 

* * *

 

Victor dragged the paintbrush in a curve, adding the shadow along the spine of the man he was painting. He didn’t know when it happened but he found he had started painting the same man, over and over again. Before, he would paint himself, he would be the subject of his art, and used it as a way to express what he couldn’t express with words. Lately, his subject had changed. The frame of the man was slimmer with lean, elongated muscles. The rich brown of his skin a different shade than Victor’s own. He dropped his brush into the cup beside his palette and took up one of his finer brushes that he used to dust the faintest of freckles across the man’s shoulders. 

He took a step back and swallowed. 

He shouldn’t be painting him.

He didn’t want to be that person.

Cinnamon and spice drifted over his shoulder as his head phone was lifted away from his right ear. 

“Hey,” Raj whispered over his shoulder, unknowingly causing a shiver to trail across Victor’s skin.

Victor pulled his headphones down around his neck and discarded his brush in the cup with the rest. “What’s up?”

Raj tossed his keys onto Victor’s futon and held up his cell phone. “I’ve been calling you for the past hour.”

“I’ve been painting.” Victor wiped his hands on a rag. “What’s going on?”

Raj’s scowl couldn’t cover the excitement he had bubbling out of him. “They called.”

Victor stilled, his heart stopping with him, excitement and fear taking hold of him. “Are you serious?” 

Raj let out an excited laugh and nodded. “They want to lease the space to us!”

Victor jumped, shaking a fist in excitement before crossing the room and wrapping his arms around Raj who laughed louder in response. “We did it!”

Raj grabbed onto Victor’s shoulders, his grin not showing any signs of falling. “We did it, Victor. We’re opening our own gallery!”

“I can’t believe it!” Victor laughed. Raj wrapped his arms around Victor’s neck, giving him a quick squeeze and filling Victor with happiness. He didn’t let himself dwell on it for too long. He never allowed himself that. 

_ “I can’t believe it,”  _ Raj repeated, copying Victor’s accent terribly but adorably and although Victor pretended to hate it- he actually quite liked it when Raj did that. “Well you better believe it, friend because we are opening our own gallery and ‘The Institute’ will be a real thing and we will display the great art of the famous Victor Aldertree.”

Victor rolled his eyes. “We cannot display my art if we want the gallery to succeed.”

Raj elbowed him in the side as he pushed past him to look at his latest canvas. “Oh hush. You’re not fooling me with your false modesty.”

Victor reached out to stop Raj, catching only the sleeve of his jacket. “It’s not anywhere near finished. Don’t—”

“I like it,” Raj stated. He touched his index finger to his chin and narrowed his eyes, his brows dipping in the center.

“Don’t do that.” Victor rushed over to stand beside Raj who was know bending at the knees and inspecting the art from a different vantage point. “Don’t inspect it with your professional curator eyes.”

Raj stood up straight. “It’s my job.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not submitting my art to our gallery. So… “ Victor stepped between Raj and his canvas. 

Raj leveled his eyes on him. “Victor, seriously? Even though it’s unfinished, I can already tell it’s going to be beautiful.”

Victor rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“It feels…incredibly…passionate.” Raj removed his focus from Victor and went back to the painting. “Intimate.”

Victor closed his eyes and took a steady breath as he put on a smile to laugh off Raj’s analysis of his painting. “Intimate? It’s just a painting, Raj…”

Raj tilted his head to the side, his eyes sliding down the shape of the man’s form. “Whatever you say… “

“Well, I’m the artist so I know.” Victor crossed his arms.

Raj turned on his heel to face Victor. “You know, I think if I lifted some weights I might just look like your mystery man.”

Victor swallowed. His stomach pulled tightly back against his spine with a nervousness he hadn’t felt in a long time. A fear of being exposed. Caught. “What?”

Raj nodded towards the painting. “I might look like that if I worked out a little more.”

“Please.” Victor scoffed. His palms beginning to sweat. 

Raj laughed exasperatedly. “I know. I know. You don’t draw people from your actual life.”

“Exactly—”

“But I’m convinced you have a mystery man I don’t know about.”

Victor sighed. How he wished his secret were so simple. He crossed the room to take his coat from the rack by the door. “How about we go back to our celebrating the good news. Dinner?”

Raj narrowed his eyes on him and then smirked, a look that always made Victor’s stomach squirm. “Fine.”

 

* * *

 

The front door to his apartment slammed shut and Victor glanced up from his laptop to see Raj kicking off his shoes. 

Victor took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes that now felt bruised from how tired he was. Going over spreadsheets and financials for the gallery had taken him all day and now he would give himself some time off to enjoy Raj’s company. He always looked forward to this time of day when they could be alone together. He wanted to make this time more frequent. He wanted to finally tell Raj how he felt. How he had felt for years now. And for some reason, the blushing smile on Raj’s face now was enough to convince him that maybe he could do it now and that maybe everything would finally fall into place for them.

“I didn’t know you were coming over today.” Victor smiled up at him. He could do this. He could tell Raj today, tonight, soon, and finally know if this could be more.

Raj sighed loudly and dramatically as he dropped with a swoon onto the sofa beside Victor. “I’m in love.”

Something in Victor’s gut tightened painfully at those three words. Three words that could destroy your world when they were not intended for you. 

“Oh yeah?” he choked out, doing a pathetic job of hiding his disappointment. 

Raj smiled with eyes closed and nodded. 

Victor cleared the tension from his throat with a quiet cough. “Tell me… who’s the lucky man?”

_ I hate him,   _ he thought.

Raj sighed again, the breathy sound longer and dreamier. The sheer happiness in the sound was enough to make Victor’s stomach turn. He hated himself for this reaction. It wasn’t Raj’s fault that somewhere along the course of their friendship, Victor had broken the number one rule of best friends, and had fallen in love with him. He should be thrilled for him, he told himself. Thrilled that his radiant, amazing, and kind best friend had found someone that made him feel this way.  

“His name is Alec,” Raj said, turning on the sofa to face Victor now. He looked beautiful like this with his face flushed, his mouth pulled into a wide smile, his eyes glimmering from the rush of new love. 

How Victor wished it were for him.

He mustered up a smile for Raj. “And where did you meet this Alec?”

“The park.”

“The park?”

“Mhm. On a whim I decided to have my lunch at the park today. And as I sat there, eating my sad sandwich, the most beautiful man walked by. He was with an older lady and a small child. They sat on the grass beside me and they talked, he played with the little girl…”

“And you spied on him,” Victor teased. He didn’t know how else to behave right now. How he could pretend he was okay when he was falling apart on the inside.  

Raj scoffed. “Did not. He was just right there and I mean…what else could I have looked at?”

“I guess there’s not much at a park besides the beauty of nature,” Victor drawled out sarcastically with a shrug. He wished he hadn’t have asked. He should have let Raj swoon by himself and he… couldn’t have not asked. That’s what best friends did.

Raj shook his head. “He was more beautiful than all of that.”

Victor’s stomach turned again, he didn’t know how much more of this he could take, but he figured he would have to get used to it eventually. It was bound to happen sooner or later. And Victor only had himself to blame for never speaking of his feelings. How could he ever expect Raj to know that he had fallen in love with him if he never told him? And how could Victor tell him now? He couldn’t. He risked too much. Their friendship meant the world to him and he couldn’t risk losing that, and they had a business together; no, telling Raj about his obviously unrequited feelings would not be the smart thing to do now. So he would sit here and he would listen to Raj’s tales of falling in love with a man who was not him and he would try to be happy for his friend.

“I thought you were meeting with that artist from Philly today?” Victor asked, hoping to change the subject. He could be happy for his friend but he could try and avoid all the gushy details in the process if possible. 

Raj shrugged. “He blew me off. That’s why I went to the park…I couldn’t stand to sit around for another hour in complete silence so I left Duncan in charge and figured I would catch a breath of fresh air.” Raj swooned and dropped his head on the back of the couch. “And boy did I catch of breath of fresh air.”

“A fresh breath of…Alec, was it?”

“Mmhm.” Raj all but moaned and for once Victor wished he didn’t know what that sounded like. 

“So did you approach him or did he approach you?” And now here Victor was, torturing himself. 

“I approached him. I wasn’t about to let him get away.” Raj pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket and showed it to Victor. “He actually wrote his cell number down for me. None of that ‘let me put it in your phone’ modern nonsense. Just good ‘ol fashioned pencil on paper.”

Victor took the note from Raj and read over the name and number scrawled in pencil. “How old is this guy? Seventy?”

“Ha. Ha.” Raj snatched the paper away from Victor and then stared dreamily at it. 

“I’m happy for you,” Victor lied and it hurt.

Raj smiled at him and somehow that hurt even more. “I know you are. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for. Now all we have to do is find you a handsome gent or a beautiful lady. Ooh, maybe after a few dates, Alec could set you up with one of his single friends, then we could double date.”

Victor sat up to retrieve his laptop, hopefully hiding the way his face cringed. “I see you’re planning your entire future with this man.”

Raj rose from his spot and clapped a hand on Victor’s shoulder. “Who knows, he could be  _ the one. _ I definitely could see it going that way. I have a feeling.”

“You don’t even know anything about him,” Victor mumbled under his breath.

“Did you say something?” Raj called from the kitchen as he stooped down to retrieve something from the refrigerator. 

“No.”

“Want a beer? We can celebrate the beginning of my love story.” 

Victor heard the glass bottles clink in Raj’s hands.

“Sure,” he said. He would need a few beers to ignore this feeling of nausea in his stomach. Hopefully the beers would begin to help him forget his feelings for Raj.

 

* * *

 

Raj stirred at the white sauce that simmered in the pan, pushing the noodles around, coating them evenly. His stomach growled and he checked the time on his watch. Victor should have been here by now. 

He set the spoon aside and searched the countertops for his phone, moving hand towels and recipe books before finally finding it underneath the box of fettuccine noodles. The door opened with a racket of curses Victor muttered under his breath. Raj tossed his phone back on the counter and entered into the living room where Victor stood breathless in the doorway. 

“Where have you been?”

Victor finished kicking off his shoes and arched a brow at Raj. “Well, it’s good to see you too.”

Raj stared at him, unamused. He was supposed to have been here thirty-five minutes ago and while he doesn’t really care that Victor’s tardiness had delayed their dinner. He was annoyed that Victor didn’t even bother texting him to let him know he would be running late. “You’re late.”

Victor’s brows jumped playfully and his mouth pulled back into that devastatingly cute smirk of his. The one that pulled Raj into his trap over and over again throughout their friendship. He staggered slowly up to Raj, teeth biting into his bottom lip, hands held behind his back, causing a strange- unexpected- rush to course up Raj’s spine.

Cute smirk? Did that thought really just cross his mind? 

Raj rolled his shoulders to shake away the feeling.

“I am late,” Victor teased. “But that’s only because I was being the world’s best best friend and I was standing in line at that ridiculous cupcake bakery you’re obsessed with so that I could bring you these.” He pulled his arms out from behind his back to reveal the pink cardboard box.

Raj gasped. “You didn’t.”

Victor nodded. “I did. Now do you want to take back that angry scowl on your face?”

Raj grabbed the box and tugged it towards him. “Only if there’s a red velvet cupcake in this box.”

“Red velvet, salted caramel, pistachio, and fudge.” Victor grinned, decidedly pleased with himself. 

Victor released the box and Raj cradled it against his chest and found his way back to the kitchen. Ever since Alec had ended their relationship, Victor had been there with kind gestures like these just when he needed them most. He had been the rock Raj leaned on immediately during the fallout of what felt like the worst time of his life. 

He had been so incredibly lost in love with Alec that the end of their time together had torn him apart. It broke him in every way a person could be broken. He didn’t know how to find his way out. And then there was Victor. Victor with his endless fountain of friendship and support. He’d stayed with Raj during the following weeks, giving up a peaceful night’s sleep in his own bed to sleep on Raj’s couch so that Raj would always have someone there for him when the tears inevitably came. 

Victor wasn’t staying over anymore but the regular dinners together continued. Raj had to admit he was getting used to this- working with his best friend at their gallery, and then coming home to have dinner with him. Things were finally beginning to feel normal, like things were falling into place for him.

The sound of dishes being set on the table drew his attention and Raj looked over to find Victor already seated at the table, two plates of fettuccine served and waiting on Raj. 

Raj set the cupcakes down in the center of the table and took his seat across from Victor.

Victor unfolded his napkin and placed it in his lap. “How was your day off?”

Raj swallowed his bite of pasta and shrugged. “Uneventful. I spent the day clearing out some of my closets. Getting rid of things I don’t need anymore.”

“Hm.” Victor hummed around his food and then swallowed. “Sounds riveting.”

Raj chuckled. “I do what I can to keep my spark alive. Stay young. You know...all those things.”

“You’re in your thirties, mate. The clock is ticking.” Victor laughed into his drink.

“ _ We’re  _ in our thirties and excuse you, I have plenty of youthful spirit left in me.” Raj feigned an offended glare before going back to his food.

“Speaking of your youthful vivacity, how’d your date go last night? Weren’t you supposed to meet some bloke at a club?” 

Raj paused and watched as Victor slowly swirled his fork in the noodles, keeping his eyes down. At some of his other friends’ insistence, Raj had signed up for a dating app. They were determined to help him ‘move on’, they said. And after he had seen Alec and Magnus, smiling and holding hands two months after their split outside of a movie theater, Raj’d had a bit of an emotional setback. Signing him up for this app had been their way of helping him over that. 

He’d gone on a couple of dates, never choosing to meet up with the men more than just their first date. No one seemed to compare and he’d had a hard time  _ not  _ comparing people to Alec. So he found that the dating wasn’t helping, it wasn’t what he needed to move on. What he needed was to make his peace and learn to enjoy his own company. He managed to achieve this a month later when he saw Alec and Magnus again, this time sitting outside and enjoying a meal at a restaurant. He could see that Alec was happy. He was smiling again in a way he hadn’t in a long time. And Magnus…Magnus was glowing in a way Raj knew too well. The glow that came from being madly in love with Alec Lightwood. The sight of them together didn’t hurt like he thought it would. He felt happy for them, for Alec. He was happy that Alec wasn’t hurting anymore and that he had found what had been missing from his life. Raj wanted that for himself. 

He’d had this date set for a two weeks now and he realized that he didn’t want to date. He didn’t want meaningless encounters with people he didn’t know and felt no connection with. What he wanted was to spend time with himself, with friends, but most of all, he found that he wanted to spend his time with Victor. Somehow after every meaningless date, he’d find himself at Victor’s, sprawled on the couch or his bed, snacking on junk food and watching movies, laughing until he cried, and falling asleep late in the night- having to borrow clothes for work the next morning. Here, in Victor’s presence, was where Raj had found himself at peace. He remembered looking over at Victor one night, draining the last of his beer, and laughing at something Raj had just said- and he remembered realizing that he was happy. He was miraculously done with being sad. 

He searched in himself for the heartache Alec left behind and while it remained a wound on his heart, it was a wound that had healed. It no longer hurt with devastation. He had moved on and it was all thanks to Victor. His stunning, funny, and endlessly supportive best friend. 

_ Best friend,  _ he repeated in his head.

“Uh”—Raj took a sip of his water—“I cancelled it.”

Victor looked up at him now, slurping the noodles up slowly. “You did?” He asked through a mouth full of food.

Raj shrugged. “Yeah. I’m not interested in him so I probably shouldn’t waste his or my time, right?”

“Makes sense to me." Victor leaned back in his seat. “I’m beginning to get the feeling that you don’t want to date.”

Raj chuckled. “Oh yeah? Has it taken you this long to figure that out?”

Victor laughed along with him. “I had my suspicions but that just confirmed it. Is there a…reason why?”

Raj shook his head. “No reason.”

A silence fell for a moment while they each took another bite. 

“Is this about Alec?” Victor eventually asked, eyes cast down at his plate, focusing on getting the pasta on his fork. 

Raj busied himself with his water again. He didn’t like when the topic of his relationship with Alec was brought up between them. He was tired of talking about Alec. “What about Alec?”

The sound of Victor’s fork dropping against the plate was loud and striking that it made Raj flinch in his seat. 

“You know what I mean about Alec, Raj. Are you still in love with him? Cause here I was thinking that you were finally getting over him and things were working out and that maybe—”

“Maybe what?”

Victor stared down at his plate, pursing his lips, scratching his nails through his hair. He sighed before finally meeting Raj’s eyes with a wounded expression that pulled at something deep inside Raj. “Tell me the truth… are you still in love with Alec?”

Raj pictured Alec and the life they led together. Six years of companionship and friendship, and love. Raj had loved that man with every ounce of his being, but he had never had Alec’s love like that. He’d had a part of it, but never as a whole. He had loved a man and then the possibility of that man. He’d loved so much, he had been left spent, drained of everything. And it wasn’t until he’d lost him that he realized that the love he’d been clinging to was no more real than the idea he’d had of them had been.

“No,” he uttered softly, a feeling of relief washing over him from the single syllable. It was an admission he never knew he needed to say out loud and now that he had, his heart felt free again. Free from the clutches of his relationship with Alec. 

Victor stood from his seat. 

“Bullshit,” he scoffed, pushing his chair back and leaving the kitchen. 

Raj sat motionless at the table, not knowing what just happened or why he let Victor walk off the way he did. He could hear Victor in the living room and the sound of him putting his shoes on. 

He was not in love with Alec Lightwood. He needed Victor to know that. 

He got up and turned to find Victor back, hands balled into fists by his side. His tie pulled loose, top buttons undone, his curls sticking out at the top. 

“What is it about that man that you can’t let go?” He asked, voice choked and broken.

“N-nothing,” Raj stumbled out. “I don’t—”

“I don’t know why I thought you would actually ever get over him. After everything he’s done, after  _ everything.  _ But he will always be  _ Mr. Perfect Alec Lightwood  _ to you, won’t he? I mean…who else could compare, right? He’s tall and sickeningly handsome. He helps children for a living. You call him fucking Superman for Christ’s sake!” Victor was fuming now. A desperation in his eyes that Raj had never seen before. He caught his breath and shook his head. “What chance does anyone have against  _ that _ ?”

“Victor… “ Raj stepped forward. He wanted to counter every point he’d made, because although, yes, Alec was an extremely attractive man and a good man despite the way their relationship ended; None of that mattered to Raj anymore. Alec was his past now- a past he had let go. 

“I can’t hear your excuses for him. Not tonight.” Victor took another step back. “He never appreciated you. And somehow he still had you under his spell. I can’t sit around and watch you love a man who will not love you back the way you deserve.”

Victor turned and grabbed his coat that he’d left draped over the back of the sofa. “Thank you for dinner but I just… I need to go home.”

The door slammed behind Victor.

He looked at his apartment. It was full of memories from his life with Alec but it felt empty, it wasn’t who he was anymore, it wasn’t who he wanted to be. Somewhere along the past couple of months he’d found himself in a different place. He didn’t know where that was exactly but it was a place where Alec no longer lived- where feelings for Alec beyond a friendly standpoint didn’t exist. It was a great place to be, not just because he’d moved on but because it was a place where he was no longer lonely. It was a place where he had Victor by his side. Victor, who just stormed out of here without even giving Raj a chance to explain how he really felt.

Raj let out a breath and raked his fingers back through his hair. “What am I… “  


Raj rushed out the door, running down the hall to see the elevator door closing. He pushed on, tearing through the door of the stairwell, running down the stairs two-by-two. He flew down the six floors, forcing his way into the lobby and across the floor to the elevator who had yet to land at its final destination. He stopped, panting heavily, waiting for the doors to slide open which they finally did with a double ring of a bell. 

“Raj?”

Raj swallowed. “You didn’t let me speak.”

“I—” Victor began before stopping himself and stepping off the elevator car to join Raj’s side in the brightly lit lobby. “What did you want to say?”

“I’m not in love with Alec anymore,” Raj rushed out, ignoring the roll of Victor’s eyes. He deserved it, after all, he’d spent plenty nights complaining about his relationship yet ignored all of the advice his best friend had to offer. All the wise words to open his eyes and try to see their relationship for what it really was for years - a one sided affair. “You have to believe me. I’m not in love with him. I actually… I’m over all of it. And I have  _ you  _ to thank for that. You helped me get past this- one of the worst times of my life. You never left me, Victor. You stood by me and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve to have a friend like you care for me the way you do.”

Victor visibly winced at the statement, closing his eyes and turning away from him. “Raj… I can’t keep this up. I will…I will always be your best friend, I would never want to change that but… “ He looked at Raj now and shook his head. “Surely you know that I’ve always been in love with you?”

Seven words. A person’s life could be changed in seven simple words. Raj never knew it was possible, but here he was, hearing what he never thought he actually wanted to hear. But now that he’s heard it, he knew he would only ever want to hear those seven words coming from Victor. No one else. Not any guy he found on some app or blind date set up by his friends, not Alec… just Victor. His best friend that had somehow, without his knowledge or permission, had become so much more in his heart.

He was Raj’s best friend but he was also Raj’s biggest support, the one source of true love he had felt in a long time. And the fluttery feeling he had been feeling in his stomach since the day Alec left and Victor stepped in wasn’t just his anxiety over everything. No. It had been so much more for so long now that he felt stupid at having taken this long to figure it out.

Victor, his best friend since college, his business partner, and closest confidant was in love with him.

Raj’s stomach did that strange twisting flutter it had been doing lately when Victor’s eyes ran over his face. He looked bare and open in a way Raj had never seen him before and that was perhaps because he never allowed himself to see his best friend this way before. He wondered how long Victor had been looking at him that way, as if he were a wonder of this world that he was only seeing for the first time. It was a look of wonderment and love that Raj had never felt before. It was honest and hopeful. And Raj realized then that it was what he had been secretly wanting the past couple of months. This look from Victor was the final puzzle piece to the picture of what he wanted for his life. 

He wanted this. Victor. 

“How long?” Raj asked.

Victor shifted uncomfortably with a shake of his head that said,  _ there’s no going back now.  _ “Since you passed my test and told me that my art wasn’t shit.”

The entire time. Victor had felt this for him the entire length of their friendship and Raj had tortured him with nights of gushing about Alec, crying onto his shoulder over losing  _ ‘the love of his life’ _ . He felt sick now to think of all the time wasted over the years. Time spent with the wrong people—wrong person, more like it. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Victor scrubbed a hand down his face and sighed. “When? When you were madly in love with the man you claimed to be the love of your life? Should I have said something then? Would it have made a difference?”

“Well—not then but why didn’t you say something  _ before _ Alec?” Raj didn’t know why he was questioning him on this. He knew why Victor hadn’t told him. They were best friends. And he could imagine how terrifying it must be to fall in love with a friend and not know if your feelings are reciprocated or if you should risk your entire friendship to tell your one big truth. 

“I was going to but you walked in and you were already gone for him.”

“That day after the park…” 

“That day after the park,” Victor echoed, his jaw clenching tightly afterward. 

“I wish you would have told me,” Raj confessed softly. He didn’t know if it would have made a difference. He remembered how seeing Alec had been love at first sight. How he was convinced from that day on that Alec was the one meant for him. But still, he wished he had known. Maybe life could have been different — better.

“Well I guess it was just going to take me seven years and almost losing you to someone else completely before I had enough courage to actually tell you. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you but this is just the way it’s been since the moment I saw you. And I’ve tried to stop myself from feeling this way about you. And if you’re still in love with Alec…”

Raj stepped in towards him, taking in the uncharacteristic, wild look in Victor’s eyes. He could see the tremble of his hands as he pushed them into his pockets and he wanted to take those hands in his and hold them. He wanted to take this fear away because everything would be okay. These feelings stirring in his chest, clutching onto his heart with every beat felt  _ right.  _  He didn’t know how to explain it because up until this point, he never thought of his friend in this way. Or maybe he’d always had this piece of him that felt like this for Victor but he kept it hidden even from himself. Because they were just friends and for six years Raj was in a relationship. But now, with every obstacle out of the way, his heart was allowed to explore this secret part of him. The part that feels a rush of butterflies when Victor smirks at him, and shivers when his hand touches his. He was allowed to feel this now. Everything happened the way it should to lead them up to this. 

“I’m not in love with Alec. And can we please not talk about him anymore? Because right now, what I want to talk about is you. And us,” Raj said, braving himself to reach up and brush at the black coarse hair of Victor’s beard. Victor’s eyes widened slowly at the touch and then closed. 

“Raj,” Victor whispered almost pleadingly that it made Raj’s heart race faster in his chest. 

“It’s seven o’clock and I’m still hungry because we let a perfectly good home-cooked meal go to waste.”

Victor blinked at him, his brows pinching in confusion, clearly not expecting dinner to be mentioned at a time like this.

“Will you, Victor Aldertree, go out to dinner with me?” Raj draped his arms around Victor’s shoulders and they fit perfectly at home there. 

“Dinner?” Victor asked, the word barely more than breath.

Raj nodded. “Dinner. As in a date, with me. If you want.”

Victor’s brows lifted slowly, the edge of his mouth rising up into a smile.

Raj smiled with him. “I take it that’s a yes? I mean… you did say you were in love with me, and I’d hate to assume that means you’ll accept my request, buuut… ”

Victor laughed and Raj felt the weight of his arms wrap around the small of his back. “Are you poking fun at me?”

“It is my favorite thing to do.” Raj smirked. 

Victor laughed again and leaned forward to wrap his arms tighter around Raj. “It is and I don’t know why I love you so much.”

Raj shivered pleasantly at the confession Victor gave so easily. “So it’s a yes?”

Victor rolled his eyes, an amused and blissful smile on his face. “It’s a yes.”

“Good.”

And Victor smiled again, his bright smile that always brought warmth to Raj, only this time it also brought the feeling of something new beginning. Something Raj was afrai he would ever feel again. He tugged a smiling Victor in towards him and kissed him softly. Victor’s breath stuttered just before he melted into the embrace, returning the soft press of lips, and filling Raj with hope and excitement that this was the way it should be. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I loved writing their relationship in he background of twisb and so I wanted to create their love story for the few of us who care/like this pairing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it <3


End file.
